Advanced Colonics of Orange County
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|Posted on August 21, 2015 at 2:50 PM||comments (1224)|
Dear Poop Nerd,
Sometimes I eat a few bites of food and my stomach blow up. It sticks out and gets rock hard, and it grosses me out. My gut bulges out of the top of my pants and if I try to squash it down with a spanks type under gear (the kind that smashes your gut bulge down so it doesn't jiggle under your clothes) -- it hurts crazy bad. If I wear wet suit surfing, I look like a penguin that ate a sea lion. Would a colonic help deflate my balloon gut?
Blown Outta Proportion
My first answer to your question is yes, colonics can help flatten your stomach. But before you start yelling woop! woop! and toss your spanks into the Goodwill donation bag, you need to find out what is causing the blow up in the first place. The most common cuase of a gut blow up is pressure building up in the colon that can't release due to organ tissue dehydration and plaque in the colon. There are also valves in your digestive tract. If the organ tissue these values are made of are dehydrated, they just won't open enough and all this pressue builds up. If this was the cause, during your colonic, you would see huge air pockets released, and the stomach feels softer and starts to deflate.
Acid stomach: If you're the type of person who eats acidy foods like lots of sugar, carbs, or you drink alot of coffee, beer and liquor, the organ tissues in your gut start swelling from inflammation. One colonic will not be the miracle cure if you've been stress eating or just living the good life consuming alot of these acidy foods. You may need a series of treatments because inflammation recedes gradually. Your stomach will gradually deflate, and you have to be patient.If you don't see instant results, don't give up and suck down a Meat Lover's Special Pizza from Pizza Hut. Just be patient with yourself. Even though your stomach seems like it suddenly blew up, it actually took time for your system to go way out of balance to the point where it just seems like it happened instantly. The condition of the digestive system gradually starts to change when the colon gets an acid buildup, which then causes mucus to form on the walls of the colon, which then blocks absorption and dramatically reduces the amount of water and nutrients you can absorb. You body starts getting out of balance till it reaches a point where its WAY out of BALANCE, and thats where you can suddenly look like a penguin who ate a sea lion.
I hope this helps your dilemma. If you're patient and trust the process, your stomach will eventually become flatter.
The Happy Crapper
|Posted on September 8, 2013 at 12:12 AM||comments (2154)|
Dear Happy Crapper,
My husband used to be insanely hot--WHEN he was my boyfriend. But now, after we've been married for fifteen years, he looks like he is 9 months pregnant. He acts like it doesn't bother him, but I know he just doesn't want to deal with the fact that unlike me, who got rid of my big fat stomach by giving birth to a baby--not a FOOD BABY, an ACTUAL BABY--my husband still looks like he's ready to give birth any minute. No matter what he does, he cant get rid of that big round hard-as-a-rock stomach, no matter how many times he works out at the gym and how many crunches he does. Dude...that CAN'T be BEER! Is there any way he can get rid of his enormous stomach?
Bitchy about Beer Belly
Sorry to hear about your formerly hot husband's growing gut. You're right about one thing, that fat round stomach is NOT all beer. What I'm about to say is pretty gross...but it's VERY important if you want your husband to be healthy and live a long life, and not drop dead on you if he drops his car keys and has an instant heart attack trying to pick them up off the floor. I'll break it down for you.
How does a guy get a big fat gut?
A big round stomach (particularly on men, but woman can get it too) is caused by the colon getting congested with several pounds thick black rubbery intestinal plaque. Plaque is caused when the colon gets dehydrated. The skin the colon is made of--the "tissues" does not squeeze out all of the poop when its dehydrated. It just squeezes half way. So when a person poops, not all of it comes out. The waste that is still sitting in the pockets of the colon becomes hard and sticks to the walls of the colon. It's thick and hard and rubbery, sort of like modeling clay or car tire rubber and does NOT come out in the toilet. It will NOT come out if a person takes a laxative. If you try to get rid of plaque by taking metamusil or fiber products, it will just get stuck in there and make the gut BIGGER. Anything you put into a dehydrated colon will get stuck in there, because it just won't squeeze all the way.
THATS NOT STOMACH FAT, ITS ACID AND INFLAMMATION
Why is a beer belly rock hard and not soft? Fat is soft and you can pinch it. But a beer belly is not made of fat. The average person who has never had a colonic is walking around with 8 to 20 pounds of gunk in their colon. The gunk, the intestinal plaque is very acidic and poisonous. It causes the surrounding organs to swell up with fluid to protect themselves from this highly toxic stuff. If a colon gets punctured and that plaque gets into the blood stream, it usually kills a person instantly or they go into a coma. Its BAD STUFF...so the swelling will keep the person alive, even though it makes them look like they swallowed a bowling ball.
Notice how the stomach is perfectly round, smoothe and hard? It's as if you blew up a water balloon. The fluid is called inflammation.
How to Get Rid of Your Gut by Cleaning Your Colon
When your colon is full of gunk and inflamed, it expands and pushes your stomach up toward your lungs and your heart. It's hard to breathe when you have a gut, an you also can get high blood pressure because your stomach is bumping up toward your hearty, which puts a big strain on it. Thats also how a person can suddenly drop dead. Their heart just cant handle the pressure of being jammed by a stomach. When you get colon hydrotherapy, or colonics, the treatment cleans out the plaque and hydrates your colon so it can squeeze out ALL the waste again and not get all congested and full of gunk.
You Can't re-hydrate a Congested Colon by Drinking Water alone
Drinking a ton of water will just cause you to pee more often and your liver to flood. The average person with a big fat beer belly is typically missing as much as 30 liters of water. The fastest and most effective way to replace missing water in the lining of the colon is by getting a colonic. If you have a fat gut and its making you miserable, the easiest way to get rid of it is by going on a a juice cleanse with colonics.
I hope this helps!!
|Posted on September 27, 2012 at 8:16 PM||comments (751)|
Dear Happy Crapper, I drink--like--a gallon a day of water and my skin is dry, I'm not pooping and I feel tired as hell. I read that dehydration is one of the causes of all those symptoms. But how could I be dehydrated if I drink water all day? Help!
Pooped and Not Pooping
It's great that you're drinking all that water. But the question is...are you ABSORBING the water you drink? Or are you drinking water then running right to the bathroom and peeing it out? Here are some good questions to ask yourself:
"What is going on in my colon? Why am I tired? Why am I constipated? Why do I feel bloated? After I have a bowel movement why do I still feel like I didn't go enough? My answer to these questions would be:
Maybe my colon is NOT distributing the water I drink to my body, and maybe my colon is also low on water because I may not be ABSORBING the water I drink.
Dude, no Sh*t!! Yes...if your body is not absorbing all that water you're drinking there will be no sh*t. How does this happen?
If there is too much acid in your colon, it will start pumping out mucus to defend itself from a hole getting blown in it. That mucus then clogs the little pores on the walls of your colon where absorption takes place and a lot of the water you drink can't get into your system. Your small intestine also helps distribute water and nutrients, but very few people think of the colon as an "engine" that distributes your water and fuel. We all know it's the thing that makes you poop. But the bottom line is, your colon can't function properly if the walls are not hydrated, and your body is less than 70% water. This includes absorption, waste elimination and energy.
If your body is not 70% water, you will be dehydrated, and possibly feel sluggish, bloated or constipated...and some people find themselves with depression and anxiety. When the colon is clean, and there is enough water in your body, you'll be amazed at how different you feel.
What is the quickest way to get hydrated? If you can't absorb the water you drink, get a colonic. Colonics are called colon hydrotherapy because they re-hydrated your colon and your body and this treatment also removes excess acid, mucous and any other gunk that's not supposed to be in there. If you decide to try it, I recommend visiting a trained, certified professional.
If you're reading this and you're not in the Orange County California or Los Angeles area where I practice, look up a certified colon therapist in your area and try it.
I hope you feel better soon!
The Happy Crapper
|Posted on August 12, 2012 at 7:29 PM||comments (589)|
How to Boost Your Energy and Happiness with Colon Cleansing!
If you were a car, what make and model would you be? I think I’m a 1987 Mercedes 560. My engine is well built, powerful and fast. But it’s a gas guzzler. And it’s expensive to maintain. I’d like to be a Chevy Volt or a Honda all-electric clean energy car as soon as possible.
If you were a car, would you drive every year without ever changing your oil or topping off your fluids? When a car gets low on water it overheats. If there’s gunk in the engine, it has trouble getting fuel. It has lousy gas mileage and slow pick-up.
How is your pick-up? How much fuel do you need to feel supercharged? Are you feeling low on energy? Are you less perky than you used to be? Even if you eat healthy do you still feel a little tired or sort of bloated? You might be low on water and have gunk in your engine.
Your colon is your engine. Not only does it expel toxic waste, your colon distributes fuel (water & nutrients) to your body.
If your colon contains excess mucus, acid or plaque (old dried waste), you will not properly absorb the water you drink and the nutrients from the food you eat.
Range of body conditions that signal dehydration or a congested colon:
You wouldn’t think of driving your car without a clean engine and enough fluid. The fact is, cars need maintenance to last long and run well. And so do you!
Regular colon hydrotherapy (colonics) keeps your energy supercharged, and your mood happy. Keeping your colon clean can also help to prevent health problems from occurring over time.
If you were a car, HOW OFTEN WOULD YOU GET A TUNE UP?